No Lame Title Here

Blessed Beyond Words

2010-04-14T06:16:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning in very much the same manner as I do most days. I got myself showered and dressed with very little fanfare (well, of course there was some fanfare). While waiting for my iPod to sync (new episodes of some of my favorite podcasts were available for my listening pleasure) I decided to have a look at my Facebook profile.

Have you ever watched a You Tube video of a baby having a belly laugh? No? Go look one up right now. I'll wait.......Did you watch it? No? Oh, you watched a montage of biking accidents instead? Seriously, go back and look up the baby laughter thing. Did you watch it this time? Good. That look on your face while watching the video is the outward equivalent of the way I felt when looking at my profile this morning. My entire profile page was filled with new wall posts from my friends. Now, on any other day this might seem a bit strange. But, not today. You see, today is my birthday.

I don't relay this information in order to get a "Happy Birthday" from you. Chances are, if you're reading this, I've already gotten that. And that's exactly the point. You, dear reader, are my friend. You and I have done life together in some way, shape, or form at one point in time or another. We might have gone to school together. We've very likely prayed together. We might have made music together (of the "sweet sweet" variety) There's a very good chance that we have sung together (I couldn't begin to try to remember how many of you fall under that category). There's even a slight chance we have dated (there's an even better chance that I owe you an apology if this is true). In short, you and I shared some kind of experience together and, whether for a limited or extended period of time, I am all the richer for it.

I have read or heard stories of individuals who live life in the public eye and are completely miserable. There are actors, recording artists, and professional athletes who are loved by the world, but know not the delights of true friendship. Folks, I'm here today to tell you that I would not trade the time I have spent with any single one of you for all the fame and fortune this world has to offer. Not enough of an impact? Try this on for size. If Father God said to me, "My son, if you will allow me to wipe your memory of any interaction you've ever had with (YOUR NAME HERE) I will allow you to switch places with Michael W. Smith" I would decline. Yeah, I love you that much.

I have a beautiful, intelligent, and loving wife. I have two little boys who make me want to be the best father I could possibly be. On top of all that, I have all of you. As the subject heading would indicate, I am, without a doubt, blessed beyond words. Happy birthday, indeed!

I Just Don't Understand....

2009-09-07T17:21:00.000-07:00

I had always prayed that the day would never come. I had a tendency to fool myself into entertaining thoughts such as, "That kind of foolishness only happens in the movies and on television. Surely, real people in real places have the presence of mind to hold their tongues!" However, last evening I found myself in the proverbial "School of the Real World". The class: "Difficult People 101". You see, last night at an Applebee's my family received our first dose of discrimination due to our son's disorder.

Let me back up for a moment and give a brief history lesson for those of you not "in the know". In June of 2007 my son, Colin, was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. I won't go into all the details here (click on the underlined), but Colin struggles with the concept of transition. Now, to the naked eye Colin just looks like your typical 4 year old boy.

We feel blessed beyond understanding at this fact, but it comes with a price. You see, when Colin is having a difficult time in a public place there is really no way for a complete stranger to know (barring explicit disclosure) that my son is experiencing a tough moment due to his mental incapacity and not because he is simply a "rotten brat".

Which brings me back to last night. We arrived at our dining destination and I took our younger son, Jaxon, in to the restaurant while Kyla stayed with Colin in order to "give him a minute" and acclimate himself to the new surroundings. During this time I took the opportunity to put Jaxon in his seat. As I did so, I couldn't help but overhear the woman at the table behind us as she complained to her server about the state of her steak. I should have been able to predict what would follow.

A few moments later Kyla was carrying a screaming boy to our table. She hadn't even gotten him in his seat when I heard from behind me,

"Oh great! So glad we got seated here!" Can you just taste the sarcasm leaping off of your monitor?

Well, about 30 seconds passed and Colin had not quite calmed down. Again, this woman felt the need to have her voice heard.

"Why don't they just take him to the bathroom and slap him around until he behaves?"

I only wish I was relaying this in jest. That is what she actually said. Now, whether she intended for me to hear or not, I heard her loud and clear. And I was not about to let such an ignorant, foolish statement go unanswered.

"Excuse me. He has Autism."

And, not even a second passed as I got this bullet in the head:

"Then you should think before you take him out in public!"

"This is a family restaurant!"

With my blood boiling I turned around and came to the decision that there was a good chance that Jesus was about to be misrepresented unless I got OUT. So, I did just that. I lifted my sorry carcass out of my chair and made my way out to the van to "pull it together". Soon, Kyla brought Colin out to me so that he could have some more time to calm himself as well. And I have no shame, dear reader, when I admit to you that I wept. How could someone speak in such a cruel manner? It's one thing to speak one's mind about parenting ability. It's something else altogether when a child's strong reaction is explained and met with words of hatred. I held my son and apologized to him for all the times I have lost patience. Soon, Kyla texted me to tell me that the lady had left. I played a game with Colin to get him laughing and soon we made our way back to our table with my son smiling from ear to ear. The rest of the evening was quite enjoyable.

I keep asking myself what might have happened had I not taken myself out of the situation. I truly shudder to think. However, the more important question has the most obvious answer. What was this woman's problem? She needs Jesus. I don't care how cheesy that might sound. I really don't. I only hope that someone gets a chance to share with her because I blew it.

Enough with da seriousness.

A Much Needed Apology

2009-03-06T08:58:00.001-08:00

You know, I usually go out of my way to make people laugh. I have always been of the mindset that we need not always take ourselves too seriously. However, sometimes when taking that journey "out of my way" I tend to forget that I run the risk of hitting a few pedestrians.

You see, yesterday I found out that by importing these posts to Facebook the number of people who partake in the reading of my little musings increases dramatically. In turn, the risk of "hitting a few pedestrians" rises as well.

Having said that, I feel the need to apologize for the post that went up yesterday. You needn't try to look it up because I took it down. While I'm a firm believer in the importance of a sense of humor I cannot overlook the fact that not everyone is going to appreciate my brand. There's a fine line between a joke that gets a laugh and sarcasm that stings. Yesterday's post had it's feet planted a bit too firmly on the latter. If anyone of you were offended I am truly sorry.

I promise to be more sensitive in the future.

But, I'm still gonna be funny!

Been a long time since I blogged and rolled

2009-02-06T07:17:00.001-08:00

I know what you're thinking. "Well well well, look who finally decides to make an appearance. Almost five months since the last blog and now you expect us all to just jump at the 'opportunity' to read one of your 'wonderful' posts?"

Well, yes, actually I do. And, by the way, I'm picking up on your sarcasm. And that's good because you're laying it on pretty thick. (I knew I could get your attention with a random "Tommy Boy" quote.)

So, the question I'm sure that all you loyal readers (all five of you) are asking yourselves is one of these three possibilities.

1. Z, where have you been all this time?
2. Why come back now?
3. What was the name of the bad guy from Tron?

And the answers, in no particular order, are:

1. Because I was looking at my previous posts and realized how much I actually enjoy this "blogging" thing.
2. Zark.
3. Right here in Mattoon.

I'll let you decipher the correct correspondence of the question to answer algorithm there. And, yes, I just used a big word and care not whether it was used in the correct context.

Seriously, though, I should apologize for the lengthy absence. But, I won't. Instead I'll just make a flimsy promise to try harder to post at a more regular interval.

Here's this post's piece of "self-destructive evangelism"

Does everyone remember the "billboards from God" craze from a few years ago? Well, it looks like Calvary Tabernacle United Pentecostal Church has just taken it to the 21st century! They may as well just take the church doors off the hinges with all of the lost people this sign is going to attract!

"Hey! This church mentions Facebook! I'm sooooo there!"

Alright, that's enough out of me.

New gimmick

2008-09-19T06:50:00.000-07:00

So, I've gotten over the fact that my reader base is small. That's fine. Seriously, I don't mind if I'm posting this stuff for nobody but myself. I'm ego-centric enough to the point where (as much as I don't like to type) I enjoy looking back and reading my own thoughts.

However, I thought it might be fun to add a little bit of a new gimmick to the mix. Riding on the coat tails of my previous entry and due the inspiration brought about by "Jesus is a Friend of Mine" I have a new pledge for you, dear reader.

Before I relay to you exactly what this new pledge is I'm going to have go ahead and coin a phrase in order to adequately explain what I'm doing here. The phrase I have in mind is "self-destructive evangelism". That is to say, something that christians (of every denomination) would present to the public that would cause the unchurched (for lack of a better term) to say something to the effect of "oh, those crazy christians are at it again" and move on without a second thought. Something like....

This

So, my friends, from now on I will do my best to include something in this vein to you in each post (along with the lip synching and cuteness of my children). How's that for eclectic?

Down with the cheese

2008-09-10T08:19:00.000-07:00

It is 10:18 A.M. central time according to the bottom right-hand corner of my monitor (and that portion never lies........unlike that crafty upper right-hand corner.......patience, patience. My time will come). Since about 9:36 I've been staring at a word document which is completely blank with the exception of a title at the top of the page. You see, the decision was made by myself and the programming team to include a drama with the upcoming sermon series. So, I went to work searching for an appropriate drama to emphasize the topic, "child-like learning". In seemingly no time at all I came to two conclusions.

1. This topic itself is a little too vague to come up with an already-existing drama which would correspond.

2. Anything I do find is going to be excrutiatingly cheesy.

Don't get me wrong. There are, indeed, well-scripted (read: non-cheesy) dramas intended for a church audience out there. However, for every good one there are at least 10,000,000 that make me question the author's concept of evangelism. Seriously, I have to wonder what is going through an unchurched individual's grey matter upon seeing such atrocities acted out on stage. Wait, I don't wonder at all. I know exactly what they're thinking. Two words. "Stupid Christians".

For example, I just read a doozy (is that a real word) of a script that deals "hilariously" with the concept of "listening well". A prayer chain is started for the character, Ron, and his upcoming knee surgery. As the prayer moves down the chain (if you're not familiar with the concept of a prayer chain go ahead and either look it up or click the "call me" button and I'll be happy to explain it) people begin to mess up portions of the prayer request. Ultimately, the concern for "Ron's knees" becomes a desperate cry for relief for "Don's cheese". Get it? Oh the hilarity. That'll keep the lost coming back next week for sure. And they'll bring they're friends! You betcha!

Oh, and the cheesiness isn't restricted to the confines of the inner church building. No sir! Sometimes one doesn't even have to get out of their car to witness the cheddar-filled goo.

HAHAHAHAH! "Knee-mail" rhymes with "e-mail"! Wow, this church is totally hip to the technology of today! I'd better go check it out!!

TRUTH decay! HAHAHAHAHAHHAH! I just pooped my pants! I'd better get to readin' this "Bible" the sign speaks of.

You see what I'm talking about? This stuff has got to stop. Take this for instance......

Yes, I'll admit this came from an era long-gone (most likely the early 80's). However, I would put money on the fact that every church has at least one member who would view this video and promptly e-mail the link to their worship pastor and exclaim with much enthusiasm that this song should be added to the current list of praise and worship music being sung by the congregation.

So, I've stated the problem. The next step, naturally, would be to present a solution. Unfortunately, this only brings up an additional problem. I don't have a solution. You see, this blog does not exist for the purpose of bettering anyone's sense of being. It's simply here to entertain. So, I don't have a solution (though, I'm certainly open to discussion on the topic at hand........call me button......hint hint.)

However, I will refer back to that blank document with the title at the top. You see, I didn't find a decent drama for the topic of "child-like learning". So, I'm going to do my best to contribute to the concept of cheese-free evangelism. I'm writing one myself. Here's hoping it's gouda. HAH!

quick note 2: The Electric Boogaloo!

2008-08-11T13:46:00.000-07:00

Alright, I suck. But the problem has been fixed. So, I reiterate what was said in the previous post. Click the button. I answer the phone. If I want to.

quick note

2008-08-08T10:17:00.000-07:00

So, I've come to the conclusion that most people don't wish to leave a message on a machine. That's fine. I get that. However, if it's a LIVE PERSON with whom you wish to converse, have I got news for you!!!!!!

Go ahead and click on that same button that I've been shoving down your throats for a few months now. Instead of voice mail you actually get.......wait for it......ME! And the best part is, no long distance charges will incur (Yes, even from Canada, Sven!). So, do it! I dare ya!!!!

It's HOT!

2008-08-06T12:59:00.001-07:00

My wife's brother happens to serve as the Student Minister in the same church family where I serve as Worship Minister. Besides the fact that I quite enjoy spending my day in an office right next to his, I have found the this has some lovely perks. Case in point, He needed an extra vehicle and driver to take a group of high schoolers to Six Flags yesterday. Well, what was I to do? After much prayer and careful consideration I decided that I better take one for the team and help a brother (in law) out.

Now, yesterday was an incredibly hot day. How hot was it, you might ask? It was so hot that "Dante's Peak" looked like a vactioning promo in comparrison. Albeit, a very poorly scripted, acted, and filmed vaction promo..........but I digress. Let's just say that I drank LOTS of water during my stay at the theme park.

Of course, what would this blog be without a complaint of some sort. Nothing, I tells ya! NOTHING! HA HA HA HA HA! The issue can best be expressed in a public service announcement...........

I probably just wasted my time with that due to the fact that most teenage girls whom I have come into contact with would have heard this.......

FINALLY! Somebody gets it. Wait......that wasn't a compliment????

The Dark Night at Midnight.....Nigh' Night!

2008-07-22T10:45:00.000-07:00

Great galloping wads of superbness! Folks I'm saying it right now: The Dark Knight is the best movie of the year. Trust me, this is not a statement that I make lightly. It is, in fact, every bit as good as the hype makes it out to be. Seriously, I had this look on my face during the entire film.

As opposed to this look when I saw "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull":

And this look when I saw "Batman and Robin":

Not to mention my reaction to "Molin Rouge":

But, I digress.........

There's really not much more that I can say about "The Dark Knight" than what already has been said. I'll simply say that if you have not yet ventured to your nearest cinema to behold this outstanding achievement in film.......shame on you. Get to it, buster!

Classic SONG! This one actually comes from a dear friend of mine and I am deeply appreciative of the comment. Keep these coming everyone!

Nit Picky, Nit Picky, Picky Picky, Nit Nit!

2008-06-18T12:02:00.000-07:00

Most folks that know me will tell you that I'm an easy going kind of guy.

"What do you want for supper?"

"Whatever you want is fine, hon."

"Well, I don't know. What do you suggest?"

"Seriously, I have no bent toward one thing or the other. Whatever you feel like having is fine."

"But, I don't know what I want. That's why I'm asking you."

"Doesn't matter."

"Doesn't matter?

"Yeah."

"Just like it doesn't matter that you forgot to take out the garbage that one night two years ago."

"Oh, here we go.........."

"And I had to run outside in the freezing cold to flag down the garbage truck...."

"Hon, that was two years ago and.........."

"..........and I was in my bathrobe and nearly froze to death....."

"Hon, I apologized for that on the same day........"

"......and I slipped on the ice and nearly broke......."

"LET'S HAVE PIZZA!"

".......my neck, and then......Pizza? Oooooo, that sounds good! Where should we get it from?"

"Doesn't matter"

"Doesn't matter?!"

"Wait...NOOOOOOOO!!!!"

And so on and so forth.

Anyway, I'm pretty easy going. But, I do have my nit picky moments (as the post topic would, indeed, suggest). For instance, if I have read a book I prefer the cinematic adaptaion to be as close to said literary work as possible. Case in point, I was apalled at the "artistic liberties" that were taken with this summer's offering of "Prince Caspian".

There are more atrocites than I care to remember so I'll just map out the main three.

1. The fight at the train station - Uhhhhhh........where the flip did this come from. Apparently we needed some teen angst.

2. The (almost) return of the White Witch - Okay, let's quickly scan the 108 pages of the book and find where this happened.....it didn't at all???? Oh, but we just had to include it in the movie just in case we had forgotten about her from the first film. No, we couldn't possibly wait until "The Magicians Nephew" to see her again.

3. The Kiss - You know, I was listening to a movie review podcast the other day. Their gripe with this part of the film was that the love interest was "underdeveloped". I beg to differ. The problem with the love angle here is that it shouldn't have been there at all! Seriously, did the director even glance at the source material? In no way, shape, or form does a love interest develop between Caspian and Susan. Just aggravating.

I will say one thing in defense of this film.........Prince Caspian is, in fact, the correct film to be made after "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe". This is true in the very same way the the first film was correctly chosen to open this series.

Confused? Let me explain.

Sometime during the late 1990's someone got the "brilliant" idea to market "The Chronicles of Narnia" chornologically. So, a whole generation of readers have grown up with the series in this order:

1. The Magician's Nephew
2. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
3. A Horse and His Boy
4. Prince Caspian
5. The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
6. The Silver Chair
7. The Last Battle

RUBBISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

C.S. Lewis wrote the books in his chosen order for a reason. That order would be.....

1. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
2. Prince Caspian
3. The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
4. The Silver Chair
5. A Horse and His Boy
6. The Magician's Nephew
7. The Last Battle

To put this into perspective, imagine viewing the Star Wars films for the first time in chornological order (HERESY!!!). Once Vader spills the beans to Luke the viewer would find themselves saying, "Well, duh! We found that out in Episode III." The same principle applies to this series of books. At the very least, the films seem to be occuring in the correct order.

Alright. That's enough. I've griped long enough.

WOW! Yes, I would LOVE to come over for dinner. What are we having? Doesn't matter??!!!!

Goodbye, Steve

2008-06-02T12:58:00.001-07:00

Today's post is going to be a bit different. You might notice a lack of my usual flair for all things sarcastic. Absent are the biting comments toward the social structure of the modern world. And, most notably, there will be no lip synching video today. If ever there was a day to break character, that day is today.

Last week the world lost one of what many choose to refer to as "the good ones". In this particular instance the title could not be more fitting. Steve Szoke lived up to that title in a way that many of us could only dream of. Now, I would be lying if I were to tell you that he and I were the closest of friends. In all honesty, he and I had not spoken (outside of the world of the internet) in about 10 years. Steve was one of the first people that introduced himself to me as I moved into my dorm at college. It took no time at all for me to learn what he was "all about".

You see, Steve's passion was people. Plain and simple. He saw a world full of hurting souls. Steve knew the cure for that pain and made it his mission to reach out to as many as possible with it. He had a gift. And, there was no way he was going to keep it to himself.

When I stepped into Burns Funeral Home in Crown Point, Indiana this past weekend I had no idea what to expect. What I found was that Steve touched more lives than I ever could have imagined. I have never before attended a funeral in which I had to stand up the entire time because no seats were available. Not only were there no seats available, but space to stand was scarce as well.

During the service a video was shown. Steve had recorded some of his thoughts a couple of days before his passing and I was struck by what he said. In a nutshell, Steve believed that Jesus loved people. It didn't matter what background these people had. Jesus simply loved people. And he offers the gift of salvation to everyone.

It just got me to thinking, why in the world would somebody not want to accept such a gift? Too many times we find ourselves (notice that I include myself here) concerned with the state of people lives rather than simply loving them. Steve had it right. Jesus doesn't stand there and point out our faults and say "You've got to stop doing what you're doing". That was never His message. He wants us to come to Him and love Him. All because he wants us to come home to Him someday.

Well, Steve did just that. Now he is enjoying a reward so fantastic that we could not possibly imagine such perfection.

Goodbye, Steve. I'll see you again.

The Double J

2008-05-05T11:10:00.000-07:00

I had some Jimmy John's for lunch the other day. Let me just say this: it should be illegal for sandwiches to be that good. Honestly. Cold cuts with lettuce, tomato, cheese, and mayo should not taste as wonderful as that sandwich did. I'm thinking that the laws of physics have been violated here. Oh, and by the way, that slogan is 100% accurate. The purveyors of said sandwich created this masterpiece so fast, I freaked. I'm almost certain that superhuman ability was somehow utilized in order to bring this culinary delight into existence. If there is a weakness for this superpower (as there is for every power) I will fight the forces of evil for no other reason than to prevent such deliciousness from danger. This sandwich was that good!

There's really no good way to segue into this next topic so I'll just soldier on.

Smokers.......I get it. You're going to smoke no matter what statistics are thrown at you. There's nothing I can do about it. There's nothing those "Truth" ads on TV can do about it. It's all about addictions and I've got my own to deal with (over eating). So, my glass house will, henceforth, go unbroken by any stones thrown from the inside (but I will hunt down anyone hurtling stones from the outside). However.......we still have some unfinished business to discuss, smoking community. Two things, to be exact.

1. Illinois Law now dictates any smoking that does take place in the vicinity of a public building must happen at least 15 feet from the entrance. You know what that means? It means 15 feet. As in, no more second-hand smoke drifting into my kids' stroller while we're trying to enjoy some fresh air outside of the Cracker Barrel as we wait for our table to be ready.

2. A cigarette butt (I said butt) is litter! It is absolutely unacceptable to throw it on the ground ANYWHERE! I cannot express this enough, people. I simply do not understand how a civilized person can think that there is nothing wrong with this. Seriously, would anybody say something to me if I just discarded a Taco Bell wrapper onto the curb in front of Wal Mart? Is the pope Catholic?

Da Summer

2008-05-02T11:23:00.000-07:00

Like much of the moviegoing public, I very much look forward to what the summer has to offer us from a cinematic perspective. Iron Man was officially released today and so begins the season (once again, from a cinematic perspective). Is it just me, or does it seem as if the proverbial load has been shot a bit early? Yes, I have been looking forward to this film for quite some time, but I tend to think that a film of this magnitude (a.k.a. the long awaited comic book adaptation) should be saved for a little later in the season. No, I'm not complaining. Just commenting. Take it as you will.

However, I do have a complaint to register to you, the general public. Am I the only one who does not see a red light as an oppurtunity to do anything but pay attention to when said light will change to green? Does it not annoy anyone else when permission has been given by the almighty traffic signal to continue on one's path and the frontmost motorist has not noticed because he/she (most likely "she") has failed to notice this phenomenom because they are too busy looking for something on the floor/trying to find the easy listening station on the radio/checking out their teeth in the rearview mirror/doing their taxes? The solution? Automobile manufacturers need to install a device that causes their vehicles to automatically move forward (at a decent speed) once the light changes. Think about it. What would cause a person to pay more attention, the annoyed honking of those travellers being held up by the offender's lack of attentiveness, or the sensation that one is in forward motion with no control over the situation? I'd say the hands would spring to the wheel and the mind would return to where it belongs right quick! Oh, but it is a dreamworld in which I live.

On to some reader comments (of the audio persuasion!)

Wow. Just......wow. I'll chalk this one up as a blatant rib towards the last entry I received. Made me laugh, though, so job well done, caller!

And on to number two.....

Definitely from the same person. Alright, I'll be honest. I know this caller (and, indeed, consider him to be one of my best friends). So, I can't claim complete ignorance of what's going on here. I'll just leave the rest up to your imagination, dear reader.

Da Cuteness

Happy Boy!

2008-04-15T10:55:00.000-07:00

That would be me. The happy boy. Boy, I'm happy. Happity happity hoo! Why, you ask?

That's why! Isn't she a beauty? I've had this li'l puppy for a week and have no idea how I ever lived without it.

"Oh, Z, you're being so silly! You lived just fine without an ipod! Stop being silly! I mean it! STOP! CUT IT OUT!!!!!!"

Calm down, calm down. There is no act of silliness happening over here, Forest. I lived just fine did I?

Know what that is? That's every CD I own. Still not convinced I needed an ipod?

Those suckers are heavy! What?! You still think I'm being vain? Well, you've left me no choice. You force me to resort to my last.......resort (in the dictionary under "redundant" it says "see redundant"). A music video. WHY MUST IT ALWAYS COME TO THIS????

So you see, not only does a lack of ipod ownership pose the issue of inconvenience, but it is also a threat to one's well being! I simply had to take myself out of harms way. Who know's? What if the floor had not been there to break my fall? Then what? Yeah, I'd rather not think about it too much either!

Now to shift gears a bit.......

Couldn't resist. I got another voice comment a couple of days ago. Not quite sure what to make of this.

Huh. Well, I guess I can just go ahead and answer that right here and now. No, I'm afraid your dad is not here. If you're worried about him, I would suggest that you obtain assistance from the proper authorities (Yes, I am, indeed, an authority, but in no way shape or form am I "proper"). Let this be a lesson to the rest of you. Your father is not here. Unless your name is Colin or Jaxon Zastrow, I have no idea where your dad is (within the context of this blog). Maybe the time has come to ask yourself the age old question: Who's your daddy?

A couple of things disturb me here.

1. This person actually listened to my voice on the "outgoing message" and then proceeded to ask if there dad was, in fact, here.

Maybe I haven't convinced you how strange this is yet. Maybe a little spoilage of how the magic of these "voice comments" works will explain things a bit. You see, there is actually a phone number that is dialed from your computer if (and please please please WHEN) you decided to click on that little "call me" button. If I were to simply to tell you that phone number, you could just call it from your phone (however, long distance charges are eliminated when using the button.....hint hint). So, whether you push the button or dial the number you hear my voice say.....

"You're leaving a comment for Z on his blog. Just be nice. That's all I ask."

So, someone (assumingly) dialed the number that corresponds with the button in error (again, assumingly), listened to my voice saying those exact words, and proceeded to leave a message asking if their dad was here. Do you get it now?

Now, if that isn't disturbing enough......

2. Where, in fact, is "here" (or "there", depending on the perspective from which you choose to look at this conundrum)? Is the caller asking if their paternal caregiver is currently somewhere within the vicinity of yours truly? Or, is he or she (I couldn't quite determine the gender of the troubled youth by his/her voice) inquiring as to whether their father is making their dwelling in the pages of this blog? Quite possibly I am not giving this question the philosophical attention that it so truly deserves. The very fabric of the universe could very well be in jeopardy (I'll take "swords" for 500, Alex) and I have no idea how to respond.

The point I'm making is this......I love my ipod!

America's Favorite Special Needs Mom

2008-04-02T14:26:00.000-07:00

I seem to recall a period in American culture that included Jenny McCarthy posing for playboy. Not only that, but she went on to have her own show on MTV that featured her expelling intestinal gas in the hopes of getting some laughs (it worked).

So, now we're all supposed to take her seriously because she her son has autism. We're supposed to forget the fact that she starred in "Baseketball" because her son happens to have special needs. Hmmmmmm.

"Hey isn't that Jenny McCarthy?'

"Sure is!"

"Wow! I saw her naked in Playboy when I was in high school!"

"HOW DARE YOU! Her son is autistic!"

"Oh! How foolish of me! I can't believe I would remember such a thing when she now struggles with being a special needs parent!"

Yeah, that 's a pretty far-fetched conversation, but can you see where I'm coming from? Now, I won't discount the fact that she's had a hard road to travel with her son. However, I have to draw the line when her celebrity status causes her to be the "supreme authority" on autism.

My oldest son has autism. And right now my least favorite phrase is, "....well, Jenny McCarthy says that...(insert stupid way of dealing with autism that only works for her child here)"

If going by the logic that we should suddenly take her seriously, then all of you must simply forget the fact that I wrote and performed "I Love to Fart" (please don't forget). It just doesn't make sense.

Now enough of this ranting. On with the fun!

Keeping Things Going (For Real this Time)

2008-03-31T08:42:00.001-07:00

OK, so now I'm a bit angry at myself for already using that title. Little did I know two weeks ago that said title would actually have some relevance today. Hey, I'm not flipping Nostredamus here. He's of the devil anyway.

I probably should have written about this last week, but you know how it is. I kept putting it off and putting it off until I finally got one of these:

Get it? I'll let that one sink in for a few moments......I'll wait.........Got it now? Well, if not, don't keep reading because it will end up being one of those things where you simply cannot concentrate on what you are actually reading. In your head all you'll hear is, "What the frig is up with that illustration. I don't get it! DANG IT!!!!! Hey, I wonder what I should have for lunch. What was the name of the bad guy from Tron? Wait, what was I doing? Why am I naked?"

And so on, and so forth.

Back to my original thought that the title is quite appropriate for today's entry. You see, we had an incrdible Easter weekend at our church. In case I haven't mentioned it before (and I'm pretty sure I haven't) I serve as the worship minister here. Here at Broadway Christian Church we adhere to the policy that if we are not striving for excellece there is no reason to do what we're doing. Having said that, we really pulled out all the stops for our Easter services and it ended up being the best worship experience I've ever had the priviledge of being a part. The music was incredible, the crowd was electric, and (above all else) God was glorified.

To say that it was quite a task to put the weekend together is an understatement. However, I think it is oft forgotten how hard it is to keep such energy going. In fact, I would say that now is even more challenging than the time leading up to Easter. No, I'm not complaining. As a matter of fact, I'm more jazzed up about my ministry than I have been in.....well.....ever! I just thought I'd share.

Enough seriousness!

Lovin' the cuteness this time!

Keeping Things Going

2008-03-17T14:36:00.000-07:00

That title has nothing to do with today's entry. I just had no better ideas for a title. Seriously. I've got nothing here. The fact that you're reading this means one of two things:

1. You're a Z loyalist and hang on my every syllable

or

2. You accidentally happened upon this page when you were actually trying to find some information on the history of Spam

I'm banking on option 2 for the majority of you. Yeah, I know the likelyhood, but I'm a hopeless optimist. Oh wait, there's a 3rd option:

3. Your curiosity finally got the best of you after reading my posts on myspace and facebook and you figured you'd better have a look and see what all the hub-bub is about.

I'm still banking on 2 though.

Regardless, welcome faithful reader. Sorry to disappoint with the lack of true substance. Seriously, though, does anyone who knows me at all actually expect substance? I'm more of a "cheap laughs" kind of guy. Speaking of which......

Before we get to the obligatory cuteness, it's time for an example of how easy it is to leave a voice comment! YEAH! Somebody actually did it! And you can too. Just listen to this anonymous tribute to yours truly.....

So, there you are. It can be done. DO IT!

And now, a double dose of cuteness. Nothing's cuter than kids falling asleep at the table.

Stupidity and fun at it's finest

2008-03-10T11:38:00.000-07:00

Putting Things in Perspective

2008-03-07T10:57:00.000-08:00

You know, I have it pretty good. I'm in relatively good health (for a
fat guy), I have a wife whom I love deeply (and vice versa), and I've
got two of the handsomest boys ever to walk (and fall upon) the face of
the planet.

That said, I've got problems just like everyone else does. Nothing
huge, just regular everyday type of stuff. This morning I found myself
in a bit of a funk about the current situation. I think it was blown a
bit out of proportion in my mind due to the fact that.....well.....I
was being an idiot. And then......well, I got a nice superkick to the
face via the latest blog written by an old friend. You see, he has been
fighting cancer for the better part of the last year or so. If I
understand his writings, he was pretty well convinced that he was
winning the battle. That changed this week. He's had that meeting that
no one ever wants to have with his/her doctor. You know, the one where
a time-frame is discussed.
And suddenly everything is in perspective. Yeah, it's commonplace to
write about such things and use cliches when hearing news such as this.
But, dang it all, I just don't know what I would do if given the same
news. The point here is, my problems are nothing. And I was a moron to
let myself get as upset as I was this morning.

All right, enough seriousness. On to the frivolity. I'll quickly segue
into a new topic by using no segue whatsoever. Let's talk about "voice
comments" (becuase I'm sure you're not sick of hearing about them yet).
I got my first one this morning. You ready for this?

No, that was it. Go ahead. Listen to it again. That's all. WHAT THE FLIP?!
I would welcome any explanations to this mystery of a message. Did
someone dial a wrong number? Did they really want
to leave a voice comment, but then chickened out much like I did when
calling girls to ask them out in high school? Were they attacked as
they left the message and quickly had to hang up. The possibilities are
endless. What do you think?
Suffice it to say, I was underwhelmed by this message. Somebody please leave me a real one.

And the obligatory cuteness

Chickens Beware!

2008-02-29T13:56:00.000-08:00

I was sitting here at my desk trying to think of a topic that would hold everyone's attention, even if only for a short span of time. As the clock ticked and my mind grew more and more blank (yes, it's possible, smart alec) I found myself getting frustrated. Do you hear me? FRUSTRATED! To the point quite seriously considered taking my bobblehead Gizmo............

and throwing it against the wall. But, just look at 'im. How could you stay mad with something so cute staring back at you?

So I took it out on this rubber chicken instead.

Take that, chicken! You should have joined the dark side!!!!

The point I'm trying to make here is.......wait......there was a point? I guess if there's any point to make here it's that rubber chickens had better be on their best behavior when I'm around. Especially when I can't come up with a decent topic for a blog. Rubber chickens, consider yourselves warned!

Oh yeah! I should probably put in a plug here for the whole "Voice Comments" thing. Seriously, it's easy to do. Plus it's free. FREE, I TELLS YA! Here, take my word for it. Literally!

Click it and listen to the voice of awesomeness!

New ideas

2008-02-25T14:52:00.000-08:00

Bloggity blog blog blog blog. Sometimes I wonder if that's what I may as well be typing when it comes to posting these musings. After all, I really can't blame anyone for an extreme disinterest in what I have to say. The fact is, I'm not really all that interesting. Love ballad lip synchs and cute pics/videos of my kids aside, what can I do not only to bring you, the reader, back for more, but also to attract the interests of more readers?

The answer is so simple, it feels like a kick in the head. Well......maybe not so much a kick as a nice dose of "sweet chin music". So what is it? Why, you now have the oppurtunity to be heard on this very page. There's a little button up in the top right corner of the blog. Click it. Go ahead. Do it. It's free! I'm serious. No foolin'!

Anyway, leave me a comment via that button. I'll post your very VOICE on my blog! That is, unless you don't want me to. But, I dare you. Try it. Tell your friends. Tell your enemies. Tell Chuck Norris. JUST DO IT!!!!!

The Rains Came Down.......

2008-02-12T15:21:00.000-08:00

Genesis 9:11 says "I promise every living creature that the earth and those living on it will never again be destroyed by a flood."

This is, of course, God speaking to Noah and his sons after the entire planet was, indeed, destroyed by a flood. Unfortunately for me, scripture says nothing about the same promise being made for my basement.

On the evening of Tuesday, February 5th my wife went downstairs to get a rubbermaid container. As I sat on the couch eagerly awaiting her return (we were getting ready to watch an episode of 24), this conversation took place across the void of space stretching from our living room, through the kitchen, and finally down the stairs:

Kyla: "oh no....."
Z: "what?"
Kyla: "Oh No...."
Z: "What??"
Kyla: "OH NO!"
Z: "WHAT??!!!!"

Finally curiosity got the better of me and caused me to lift my keyster off the couch and make the journey to the nether realm of the Zastrow abode........and I'm pretty sure that I don't need to elaborate on what I found there (based on the aforementioned scripture reference).

I'm not going to go into how much such an event sucks. Any idiot can do that. Especially an emo idiot. With the mulitple piercings. And the hair hanging in their eyes. And the general hatred for........everything. Emos suck.

Where was I? Um.........you know this is one of those times where I thought I had more to say than I really did. So.......Here's this:

And how could I forget the obligatory cuteness?

Superbowl......super, indeed!

2008-02-04T14:01:00.000-08:00

It was a treat for me this year to actually be able to keep track of what's going on in the world of the NFL and have people to talk to about it. You see, I spent the last seven years (prior to this one) living in Canada. I may as well have tried to have conversations about existentialism within the realm of the Smurfs. The people that I was close to were simply not interested in any sport that did not start with and "H", end with a "Y", and have "OCKE" in the middle.

Having said all that, I found myself caring more about the Superbowl this year than I had for a long time. Yes, I was excited that my two favorite teams were the combatants last year. However, it was quite depressing to go to a Superbowl party where myself and my brother-in-law (he was doing his internship up there) were the only ones who gave two flips about the game. This year was a different story.

And what a great story it was. It was almost "Dave and Goliath"-esque in nature. Peyton's little brother against the unstoppable Tom Brady. It really played off a bit like a football movie, where the underdog wins in the end. It was the first time that I was so wrapped up in the game that I didn't care very much about the commercials. Good thing too. There just wasn't a whole lot (with a few exceptions) to write home about in this department.

Either way, great game. And now, as promised.......

And then, of course, the cuteness.

Something to keep you coming back

2008-01-30T14:44:00.000-08:00

Who invented blogging? Does anyone have the answer? I am quite seriously interested to know. Who was the first person to make a concious decision to share their innermost thoughts with the world (wide web)? Does that person now stand on a street corner and yell to everyone who can hear, "HEY! I invented blogging! No wait, it's true! COME BACK HERE!" Yeah, I sit here at my 'pooter and make fun of said person.......while I myself am, indeed, blogging. D'oh!

I've read a few random blogs recently and find some with more comments than I can count. Well.....alright, I don't need to count them because it tells you exactly how many comments are there, but you catch my drift. However, this concept of "superstar blogging" poses some interesting questions. What is it about these "popular" blogs that draws people back to them again and again? Do these bloggers know all these people that are commenting? What makes them so interesting? Does this outfit make me look fat? What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow? And so on and so forth?

Well, I know the answers to none of these questions. I don't even want to begin to try and warp my mind around them. I have no idea what compels so many people to come back for every entry written by Joe Blow from Randomville, USA. The only thing I can do is try and come up with something myself. What is it that will cause you, the reader, to come back and see what wit and wisdom I just might have to spew forth onto your computer monitor? How about this....

Look a little familiar? Yeah, pretty much the same thing I did on the last entry. Different song though.

And that's pretty much what I have to offer. Oh, I'll probably come up with some fun and interesting topics to blather on about. But, mark my words, you will get to see me lipsynch a different rock ballad in each and every entry. Who wouldn't keep coming back for that? Crazy people, that's who! That, and pagans.

Not to mention a little random cuteness like this......

Oh yeah. You know you'll be back.

Told you there'd be more to come.....just took me awhile

2008-01-29T13:52:00.000-08:00

Honestly, folks, I really am not much of a fan of writing. Really, I don't. The fact should speak for itself in that the inaugural entry for this blog was back in August and it is now late January.....of the next year.....Hey! There's one promise I can make when it comes to this blog. You will never ever find any tampering with the space-time continuum within the text of these literary works. I mean it! Doc Brown wasn't messing around when he tried to warn Mcfly. I have no desire to go back to 1885, let me tell you!

All that aside, regardless of my lack of enthusiasm for the art of written word composition, I do enjoy reading my own material. Yeah, yeah, go ahead and label me an egotist, but the fact is, I really do enjoy my own creations. Plus, I just discovered that you can do this in these blogs.....

Seriously......who wouldn't want to get involved with blogging when you can do such things!

Seriously, why does Winger get such a bad rap? I challenge you to listen to the song "Down Incognito" and not nod your head to the beat at least a little.

Suddenly I find myself in a quandry. How in the world am I supposed to segue into a semi-serious topic. Hmmmmm........I guess I can't. I'll just move on.

I'm not much into politics. Sure, I don't want the wrong candidate elected into office, but I find debates and all the other hooplah leading up to an election a tad on the boring side. However, if I must choose a political stance, I will usually vote republican. What's my reasoning? Well, besides the fact that Alex P. Keaton was one......I guess I just have to go with the fact that all the presidents that I have liked (who held office during my own lifetime) were republicans. And yes, this includes good ol' Dubya. But, an interesting dilema is put forth this leap year. Those of us who side this way find ourselves in danger of two things come November. We run the risk of being labeled either racists or misogynists. I'm not saying everyone shares this thinking, but I'm sure there are those exteme left-wing liberals out there. No, I don't have a solution, or even a snappy comeback for such thinking. Just thought I'd put it out there.

I think that's enough out of me for now, except to say.......have you ever seen a pair of cuter little boys?

I didn't think so.

Gonna Try Now

2007-08-06T13:09:00.000-07:00

As lame as I've always found this whole bloggling thing to be, here I am. In fact, there was a brief period in which it seemed that my wife could not get through the day without reading some of her friends' blogs (without ever having typed one up for herself), and this would sometimes drive me to the brink of my sanity (If you're reading this, Kyla......uh.......I love you!). However, as much as this whole concept makes me cringe, I'm going to give it a shot. Why? I wish I had an answer that would reverse everything that I just said. I guess that one could just chalk it up to two things:

1. I've got stuff to say (whether or not anyone cares to listen)

2. I don't have anything to do right this minute

3. Crap! I said only two things!

So, for now, I'll sign off with a warning that there's more to come.........hopefully.