Blessed Beyond Words

I woke up this morning in very much the same manner as I do most days. I got myself showered and dressed with very little fanfare (well, of course there was some fanfare). While waiting for my iPod to sync (new episodes of some of my favorite podcasts were available for my listening pleasure) I decided to have a look at my Facebook profile.

Have you ever watched a You Tube video of a baby having a belly laugh? No? Go look one up right now. I'll wait.......Did you watch it? No? Oh, you watched a montage of biking accidents instead? Seriously, go back and look up the baby laughter thing. Did you watch it this time? Good. That look on your face while watching the video is the outward equivalent of the way I felt when looking at my profile this morning. My entire profile page was filled with new wall posts from my friends. Now, on any other day this might seem a bit strange. But, not today. You see, today is my birthday.

I don't relay this information in order to get a "Happy Birthday" from you. Chances are, if you're reading this, I've already gotten that. And that's exactly the point. You, dear reader, are my friend. You and I have done life together in some way, shape, or form at one point in time or another. We might have gone to school together. We've very likely prayed together. We might have made music together (of the "sweet sweet" variety) There's a very good chance that we have sung together (I couldn't begin to try to remember how many of you fall under that category). There's even a slight chance we have dated (there's an even better chance that I owe you an apology if this is true). In short, you and I shared some kind of experience together and, whether for a limited or extended period of time, I am all the richer for it.

I have read or heard stories of individuals who live life in the public eye and are completely miserable. There are actors, recording artists, and professional athletes who are loved by the world, but know not the delights of true friendship. Folks, I'm here today to tell you that I would not trade the time I have spent with any single one of you for all the fame and fortune this world has to offer. Not enough of an impact? Try this on for size. If Father God said to me, "My son, if you will allow me to wipe your memory of any interaction you've ever had with (YOUR NAME HERE) I will allow you to switch places with Michael W. Smith" I would decline. Yeah, I love you that much.

I have a beautiful, intelligent, and loving wife. I have two little boys who make me want to be the best father I could possibly be. On top of all that, I have all of you. As the subject heading would indicate, I am, without a doubt, blessed beyond words. Happy birthday, indeed!

I Just Don't Understand....

I had always prayed that the day would never come. I had a tendency to fool myself into entertaining thoughts such as, "That kind of foolishness only happens in the movies and on television. Surely, real people in real places have the presence of mind to hold their tongues!" However, last evening I found myself in the proverbial "School of the Real World". The class: "Difficult People 101". You see, last night at an Applebee's my family received our first dose of discrimination due to our son's disorder.

Let me back up for a moment and give a brief history lesson for those of you not "in the know". In June of 2007 my son, Colin, was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. I won't go into all the details here (click on the underlined), but Colin struggles with the concept of transition. Now, to the naked eye Colin just looks like your typical 4 year old boy.

We feel blessed beyond understanding at this fact, but it comes with a price. You see, when Colin is having a difficult time in a public place there is really no way for a complete stranger to know (barring explicit disclosure) that my son is experiencing a tough moment due to his mental incapacity and not because he is simply a "rotten brat".

Which brings me back to last night. We arrived at our dining destination and I took our younger son, Jaxon, in to the restaurant while Kyla stayed with Colin in order to "give him a minute" and acclimate himself to the new surroundings. During this time I took the opportunity to put Jaxon in his seat. As I did so, I couldn't help but overhear the woman at the table behind us as she complained to her server about the state of her steak. I should have been able to predict what would follow.

A few moments later Kyla was carrying a screaming boy to our table. She hadn't even gotten him in his seat when I heard from behind me,

"Oh great! So glad we got seated here!" Can you just taste the sarcasm leaping off of your monitor?

Well, about 30 seconds passed and Colin had not quite calmed down. Again, this woman felt the need to have her voice heard.

"Why don't they just take him to the bathroom and slap him around until he behaves?"

I only wish I was relaying this in jest. That is what she actually said. Now, whether she intended for me to hear or not, I heard her loud and clear. And I was not about to let such an ignorant, foolish statement go unanswered.

"Excuse me. He has Autism."

And, not even a second passed as I got this bullet in the head:

"Then you should think before you take him out in public!"

"This is a family restaurant!"

With my blood boiling I turned around and came to the decision that there was a good chance that Jesus was about to be misrepresented unless I got OUT. So, I did just that. I lifted my sorry carcass out of my chair and made my way out to the van to "pull it together". Soon, Kyla brought Colin out to me so that he could have some more time to calm himself as well. And I have no shame, dear reader, when I admit to you that I wept. How could someone speak in such a cruel manner? It's one thing to speak one's mind about parenting ability. It's something else altogether when a child's strong reaction is explained and met with words of hatred. I held my son and apologized to him for all the times I have lost patience. Soon, Kyla texted me to tell me that the lady had left. I played a game with Colin to get him laughing and soon we made our way back to our table with my son smiling from ear to ear. The rest of the evening was quite enjoyable.

I keep asking myself what might have happened had I not taken myself out of the situation. I truly shudder to think. However, the more important question has the most obvious answer. What was this woman's problem? She needs Jesus. I don't care how cheesy that might sound. I really don't. I only hope that someone gets a chance to share with her because I blew it.

Enough with da seriousness.

A Much Needed Apology

You know, I usually go out of my way to make people laugh. I have always been of the mindset that we need not always take ourselves too seriously. However, sometimes when taking that journey "out of my way" I tend to forget that I run the risk of hitting a few pedestrians.

You see, yesterday I found out that by importing these posts to Facebook the number of people who partake in the reading of my little musings increases dramatically. In turn, the risk of "hitting a few pedestrians" rises as well.

Having said that, I feel the need to apologize for the post that went up yesterday. You needn't try to look it up because I took it down. While I'm a firm believer in the importance of a sense of humor I cannot overlook the fact that not everyone is going to appreciate my brand. There's a fine line between a joke that gets a laugh and sarcasm that stings. Yesterday's post had it's feet planted a bit too firmly on the latter. If anyone of you were offended I am truly sorry.

I promise to be more sensitive in the future.

But, I'm still gonna be funny!

Been a long time since I blogged and rolled

I know what you're thinking. "Well well well, look who finally decides to make an appearance. Almost five months since the last blog and now you expect us all to just jump at the 'opportunity' to read one of your 'wonderful' posts?"

Well, yes, actually I do. And, by the way, I'm picking up on your sarcasm. And that's good because you're laying it on pretty thick. (I knew I could get your attention with a random "Tommy Boy" quote.)

So, the question I'm sure that all you loyal readers (all five of you) are asking yourselves is one of these three possibilities.

1. Z, where have you been all this time?
2. Why come back now?
3. What was the name of the bad guy from Tron?

And the answers, in no particular order, are:

1. Because I was looking at my previous posts and realized how much I actually enjoy this "blogging" thing.
2. Zark.
3. Right here in Mattoon.

I'll let you decipher the correct correspondence of the question to answer algorithm there. And, yes, I just used a big word and care not whether it was used in the correct context.

Seriously, though, I should apologize for the lengthy absence. But, I won't. Instead I'll just make a flimsy promise to try harder to post at a more regular interval.

Here's this post's piece of "self-destructive evangelism"


Does everyone remember the "billboards from God" craze from a few years ago? Well, it looks like Calvary Tabernacle United Pentecostal Church has just taken it to the 21st century! They may as well just take the church doors off the hinges with all of the lost people this sign is going to attract!

"Hey! This church mentions Facebook! I'm sooooo there!"

Alright, that's enough out of me.

New gimmick

So, I've gotten over the fact that my reader base is small. That's fine. Seriously, I don't mind if I'm posting this stuff for nobody but myself. I'm ego-centric enough to the point where (as much as I don't like to type) I enjoy looking back and reading my own thoughts.

However, I thought it might be fun to add a little bit of a new gimmick to the mix. Riding on the coat tails of my previous entry and due the inspiration brought about by "Jesus is a Friend of Mine" I have a new pledge for you, dear reader.

Before I relay to you exactly what this new pledge is I'm going to have go ahead and coin a phrase in order to adequately explain what I'm doing here. The phrase I have in mind is "self-destructive evangelism". That is to say, something that christians (of every denomination) would present to the public that would cause the unchurched (for lack of a better term) to say something to the effect of "oh, those crazy christians are at it again" and move on without a second thought. Something like....

This

So, my friends, from now on I will do my best to include something in this vein to you in each post (along with the lip synching and cuteness of my children). How's that for eclectic?

Down with the cheese

It is 10:18 A.M. central time according to the bottom right-hand corner of my monitor (and that portion never lies........unlike that crafty upper right-hand corner.......patience, patience. My time will come). Since about 9:36 I've been staring at a word document which is completely blank with the exception of a title at the top of the page. You see, the decision was made by myself and the programming team to include a drama with the upcoming sermon series. So, I went to work searching for an appropriate drama to emphasize the topic, "child-like learning". In seemingly no time at all I came to two conclusions.

1. This topic itself is a little too vague to come up with an already-existing drama which would correspond.

2. Anything I do find is going to be excrutiatingly cheesy.

Don't get me wrong. There are, indeed, well-scripted (read: non-cheesy) dramas intended for a church audience out there. However, for every good one there are at least 10,000,000 that make me question the author's concept of evangelism. Seriously, I have to wonder what is going through an unchurched individual's grey matter upon seeing such atrocities acted out on stage. Wait, I don't wonder at all. I know exactly what they're thinking. Two words. "Stupid Christians".

For example, I just read a doozy (is that a real word) of a script that deals "hilariously" with the concept of "listening well". A prayer chain is started for the character, Ron, and his upcoming knee surgery. As the prayer moves down the chain (if you're not familiar with the concept of a prayer chain go ahead and either look it up or click the "call me" button and I'll be happy to explain it) people begin to mess up portions of the prayer request. Ultimately, the concern for "Ron's knees" becomes a desperate cry for relief for "Don's cheese". Get it? Oh the hilarity. That'll keep the lost coming back next week for sure. And they'll bring they're friends! You betcha!

Oh, and the cheesiness isn't restricted to the confines of the inner church building. No sir! Sometimes one doesn't even have to get out of their car to witness the cheddar-filled goo.



HAHAHAHAH! "Knee-mail" rhymes with "e-mail"! Wow, this church is totally hip to the technology of today! I'd better go check it out!!


TRUTH decay! HAHAHAHAHAHHAH! I just pooped my pants! I'd better get to readin' this "Bible" the sign speaks of.

You see what I'm talking about? This stuff has got to stop. Take this for instance......



Yes, I'll admit this came from an era long-gone (most likely the early 80's). However, I would put money on the fact that every church has at least one member who would view this video and promptly e-mail the link to their worship pastor and exclaim with much enthusiasm that this song should be added to the current list of praise and worship music being sung by the congregation.

So, I've stated the problem. The next step, naturally, would be to present a solution. Unfortunately, this only brings up an additional problem. I don't have a solution. You see, this blog does not exist for the purpose of bettering anyone's sense of being. It's simply here to entertain. So, I don't have a solution (though, I'm certainly open to discussion on the topic at hand........call me button......hint hint.)

However, I will refer back to that blank document with the title at the top. You see, I didn't find a decent drama for the topic of "child-like learning". So, I'm going to do my best to contribute to the concept of cheese-free evangelism. I'm writing one myself. Here's hoping it's gouda. HAH!

quick note 2: The Electric Boogaloo!

Alright, I suck. But the problem has been fixed. So, I reiterate what was said in the previous post. Click the button. I answer the phone. If I want to.