Down with the cheese

It is 10:18 A.M. central time according to the bottom right-hand corner of my monitor (and that portion never lies........unlike that crafty upper right-hand corner.......patience, patience. My time will come). Since about 9:36 I've been staring at a word document which is completely blank with the exception of a title at the top of the page. You see, the decision was made by myself and the programming team to include a drama with the upcoming sermon series. So, I went to work searching for an appropriate drama to emphasize the topic, "child-like learning". In seemingly no time at all I came to two conclusions.

1. This topic itself is a little too vague to come up with an already-existing drama which would correspond.

2. Anything I do find is going to be excrutiatingly cheesy.

Don't get me wrong. There are, indeed, well-scripted (read: non-cheesy) dramas intended for a church audience out there. However, for every good one there are at least 10,000,000 that make me question the author's concept of evangelism. Seriously, I have to wonder what is going through an unchurched individual's grey matter upon seeing such atrocities acted out on stage. Wait, I don't wonder at all. I know exactly what they're thinking. Two words. "Stupid Christians".

For example, I just read a doozy (is that a real word) of a script that deals "hilariously" with the concept of "listening well". A prayer chain is started for the character, Ron, and his upcoming knee surgery. As the prayer moves down the chain (if you're not familiar with the concept of a prayer chain go ahead and either look it up or click the "call me" button and I'll be happy to explain it) people begin to mess up portions of the prayer request. Ultimately, the concern for "Ron's knees" becomes a desperate cry for relief for "Don's cheese". Get it? Oh the hilarity. That'll keep the lost coming back next week for sure. And they'll bring they're friends! You betcha!

Oh, and the cheesiness isn't restricted to the confines of the inner church building. No sir! Sometimes one doesn't even have to get out of their car to witness the cheddar-filled goo.



HAHAHAHAH! "Knee-mail" rhymes with "e-mail"! Wow, this church is totally hip to the technology of today! I'd better go check it out!!


TRUTH decay! HAHAHAHAHAHHAH! I just pooped my pants! I'd better get to readin' this "Bible" the sign speaks of.

You see what I'm talking about? This stuff has got to stop. Take this for instance......



Yes, I'll admit this came from an era long-gone (most likely the early 80's). However, I would put money on the fact that every church has at least one member who would view this video and promptly e-mail the link to their worship pastor and exclaim with much enthusiasm that this song should be added to the current list of praise and worship music being sung by the congregation.

So, I've stated the problem. The next step, naturally, would be to present a solution. Unfortunately, this only brings up an additional problem. I don't have a solution. You see, this blog does not exist for the purpose of bettering anyone's sense of being. It's simply here to entertain. So, I don't have a solution (though, I'm certainly open to discussion on the topic at hand........call me button......hint hint.)

However, I will refer back to that blank document with the title at the top. You see, I didn't find a decent drama for the topic of "child-like learning". So, I'm going to do my best to contribute to the concept of cheese-free evangelism. I'm writing one myself. Here's hoping it's gouda. HAH!